Wrinkles!!!!

I know, I'm totally the person who just loves to bitch, I'm fully aware that I do it all the time, I'm sure I can help it if I try, but why bother, it's kinda my thing? I bitch about things that I will laugh off in public, I complain about money, health, kids, just about whatever I can think of and I certainly have no problem bitching about myself. So officially today is my turn for the hot seat. I feel pretty accomplished in the amount of weight that I have lost so far, and I really enjoy working out, in fact, my trainer is going to teach me how to box, just for something fun to do. I've never been in a fight in my life, and I really have no intention, but I feel like it's something that I really need to learn, I want my biceps to look good too! My issue is that my body is NOT 23 anymore, I had this vision in my head of how marvelous I would look if I just tried, what's killing me now is the wrinkles and strechmarks that were recently being hidden by malted hops and saturated fat. I have forehead wrinkles, one of the boys asked me if it was a scar! I didn't really think that I would have to deal with this, of course a couple years ago I didn't think I would be dealing with the few gray hairs I had either, and now I don't dare not have my hair dyed! (see the good thing about that is that I love doing silly stuff with my hair anyway, so it's an easy trade off.) I have to wonder how many people look at me and give me the "you're too old to look like that" stare. I'm guilty of doing it too, we all are, but truly I reserve it for women who are obviously competing with their 25 year old daughter for a boys attention. (You don't wear a bikini to the grocery store when it's 58 degrees and rainy out.) This whole train of thought makes me realize even more that one of the things I'm really best at doing is finding something to be unhappy about. I'm going to be 32 in about a week, of course I have wrinkles, and I was signifigantly overweight with both of my pregnancies, of course losing weight is going to make stretch marks look weird, that's life. Truth is I don't do much with my skin, I'm not a lotion and potion person, but I think at this point in life I need to be. I am finally becoming happier with the shape of my body, and I certainly don't expect to be super model gorgeous, maybe the best thing I can do is start a little pampering, huh? Maybe have someone else do my hair on occasion, or even get my nails done and invest in some olay stuff. The kind of ironic thing is that I have enough make-up for about six Las Vegas hookers, and I do just pile that shit on, but I looooove eyeshadow, and I think I would pay money to have someone show me how to do a good smokey eye without looking like the drunk toddler in a clown family put it on me! So you see in all of my self loathing, I can still manage to put down a couple of goals! I'll be damned...
Next thing is I'm about to be nearly childless for the summer. What the hell am I going to do with myself??? I'm going to have to find a sitter, cuz I am going to need to work out like 5 hours a day just to average out all the running I do. I won't need a ton of groceries, I may even be able to go vegetarian for the summer, lose another 15 or 20 lbs. Maybe I'll go stay with my cousin, I don't know, I'm not nearly as good at making plans for just myself. Oooooh I'm going to find a job. Truth be told I've been looking, but billings really isn't an easy place to find a day time job, and it's not like I can leave Logan alone at night!!! Who knows, maybe I'll find a band or something... a life, whoa, I just blew my own mind!