Day 34: Busy day...

I don't think that I have stopped running all day. I don't even have a job and I feel like I worked a 16 hour shift. It goes something like this: wake up, get kids ready, take John and Logan to the gym, go to neurologist, pick up John, nutrition store, lunch, Costco, pick up Wyatt, run home and clean a little, pick up Ebin, take John to get taxes done, take Ebin to tutor, pick up John, pick up Ebin, cook dinner, clean some more, get kids ready for bed, go to gym, and now this!!!! (Whoa that was a mouth full... or a handful... I'm tired, leave me alone on the technicalities!) The good news is that the neurologist went very well, my brain is perfectly healthy, despite years of abuse, I will not need any more test, no more worry, all is good. Something really good came out of all the weird crap that happened in December, and that would be this whole personal revamping. I have really realized in the last couple days just how much better I feel. I am sore, but it's great, I'm beginning to see a difference in my body, and it's going to be fantastic when I reach my goals! The month of March is going to be especially fun, I know that I wrote about the challenge my friend and I are competing against eachother in, and it starts tomorrow. I'm glad that I have to do it, because my trainer is planning on kicking my ass Wednesday, so I guess that having a goal in sight is the best thing that I can do!
Speaking of our trainer, when John and I see him, it's seperately, and we are both kind of chatty people, so I'm guessing that after a day of the two of us, he must go home and shake his head for about an hour. We have actually tattled on eachother to this guy!!! I told on John for what he was eating, and he told on me for skipping the gym!!! Who the hell needs counseling when you can just bitch to the next person you meet! We are lucky that he is a nice guy, because I don't know that many people would tolerate a couple of thirty-somethings complain about the other's habits! I'm sure he can tell how much John and I care for eachother, because he really doesn't have much to say... He's like a bartender... Only his bar sells pain instead of booze.
Well I have officially hit the tired wall, and I really need to go to bed, tomorrow is going to be another big adventure... I can assure you that Large Marge did not send me. (If you are old, you'll get the joke! Old like me I mean!!!!)
"T

Day 33: Push ups my ass....

Today marked the second session with my trainer. I learned two very important things today. 1) There are muscles in places that you wouldn't believer, and 2) I am a ginormous pussy. I can pretty much guarantee that my trainer thinks I am the biggest weinie to ever step foot in that gym, I was winded by about the 3rd second of strength training. To my credit, I did complete everything that I was supposed to, but just getting into plank formation was a joke. (that's like a push up, but not actually lifting yourself, just sort of hovering with your arms bent. yeah, it's awesome...) I plan to leave as soon as the kids are in bed and go back to the gym and do my 20 minutes of cardio that I didn't complete on that god damned eliptical. I admit, the only real reason that I even want to is because I have another session on Wednesday, and I don't want to look like such a turd, and the only way that's going to happen is if I actually put in the work. Why did I not just do it earlier, you might ask? Well we were invited to a birthday party in Absorkee, and I wanted to get cleaned up before we went. Yes I am one of those girls that needs to wear make-up before I leave the house, I don't know what my hang up is, I am even guilty of wearing make-up to the gym the first day. I did get over that, what a hot mess I was... My hope here, is that when I lose a signifigant amount of weight I won't feel so self consious about how I look. It's not like it's a new thing for me either, I've always been insecure about how I look. John has got to be the most amazing person ever, he tells me all the time that I'm beautiful, that certainly helps, and if I lose the weight, then I can start to believe it! I'm getting there, slowly but surely, and that whole make-up to the gym thing, well let's just say that lesson has been learned!
Today's birthday party was for John's brother in law, who has got to be one of the nicest people in the history of the universe. I always enjoy being there, and seeing the family. The kids get along great, everyone really enjoys each other's company, it's really nice. Today was a little harder for me, I wanted to drink with everyone so bad, I wanted a cigarette soooo bad, I just wanted to call it all off and just get wasted. (not that anyone was really getting wasted, but that's what I wanted!) John, being my knight in shining armour, didn't drink at all, I think he must have noticed that I was uncomfortable. I seriously had to FIGHT having an anxiety attack over it. Who the hell gets so worked up over a beer??? It's so friggin' stupid, I can't justify it at all, except to say that parties and drinking go hand in hand for me, and I do miss it, and I do plan on doing it again, but if I start this soon, what's the point of even trying??? I made it through, no drinks, and I think I may have also made kind of a rude mistake. They made big pots of Chicken and Noodles, which I Loooooove, and I didn't eat. I think it was kind of inconsiderate of me, but I wasn't trying to be rude. I want to take the diet seriously, and I'm afraid that if I started to eat that lovely looking soup, I wouldn't have stopped, and that would have shot all of that hard work this morning, right in the foot. I think in the long run that would hurt a whole lot more than my sad, sore muscles do right now! I just hope that I didn't look like a snot, that wasn't my intention at all, I was perfectly happy with the company! Now I'm going to go try to get these kids to bed... holy cow, they're like little crazy people today, please wish me luck!

Days 30, 31, and 32: Chaos...

Today is Saturday, yes I skipped days, more than I ever have, I will beg for forgiveness on my knees at some point when things slow down, I swear. No I mean it, I should have written sooner, but I have to tell you, I forgot how a baby with an ear ache can interfere with your day to day activities. I can't stand to listen to him cry, I am, what you might call, an enabler. For example: Logan: aaaaaaahhhh, Me: come here baby and snuggle Mommy, etc. I will bend at his will, and everyone else gets nothing!!! No joke, after the last couple days it's amazing that I have gotten anything done, he has taken up that much time. It is nice having John home, but Logan's not as comfortable with him as he is with me, so I'm the only person he really wants when he's sick. I cook, I clean, I coddle, if I wore dresses I would be the swearing version of Donna Reed. I can't even imagine trying to have to fill shoes like that, I don't know how OCD parents have time to keep their houses spotless! I can't! I can barely keep track of what day it is, let alone keeping a house clean! Anyway, the last couple days have gone something like this: Thursday we got a new wash machine, which is awesome, it would be even more awesome if it was coming to my house before Tuesday. I have more laundry piled up than they have in the dumpsters at the goodwill. This, of course, is not helping the whole house cleaning thing! Oh well, as long as we have clothes to wear until then, we are just fine, right? Just so that you are aware, yes, we went and bought all of us new socks and chones, so you don't have to worry, we are covered! Yesterday was fun filled, went to the doc, and things went well, she's really happy with the progress I've made in the weight loss department, and she adjusted things a little for me and off I went. Then we ran around town until it was time to get the boys, we went to hell mart, and guess what yesterday was??? It was test out the stupid ass door alarms day. Almost every person who went through got buzzed, and we had to wait in line just to prove we paid for everything. It was John's prescription that made it buzz, but come on!!!! Luckily she caught it right away, so she didn't have to go through our bags full of socks and underwear! After that we came home, and I snuggled Mr. Crabby Pants, and the boys went and stayed at Ebin's gramma's house, and we had a date night which consisted of me cooking dinner, snuggling the baby and watching John sleep on the floor. I was in bed before 9. The worst part of all of this is that I haven't been to the gym even once since I saw my trainer the other day. I need to go, and I'm hoping to get away tonight, this whole leaving thing isn't going as well as I had planned! I need to work out a little before I go tomorrow, or the trainer's going to think I'm a total slacker, I'll admit to the slacker part, but not a total slacker, it takes to much energy to do anyting like that all the way... ha ha! I have been good about what I eat though, so at least I have one step covered! It's been different having John home and having to cook two meals for everyone, he's on the "it's ok if I eat whatever I want, because I'm pretty sure that it's no big deal" plan. I made the dire mistake of getting all of the snacky garbage out of the house before he came home, and replacing it all with healthy stuff. I didn't realize that having healthy food in the house translates into having no food at all, stupid me... So I guess I will adjust the way I'm doing things again, which has made it hard to stick to my diet, not gonna lie. Tomorrow morning I will go see the trainer, and when he reads the food diary he'll be happy for the most part, but I doubt I lost any weight like I should have! Ugh, with all the bitching, I guess I must need a personality adjustment...

Day 29: What a day...

Remember how I've mentioned that I was working out at home... ha ha ha ha ha ha! Are you kidding me? All this time I thought that working out at home had prepared me for starting at the gym. I think it's comparable to my guitar hero skills. I may rock on beginner, but there is no way I could go out and play an actual guitar at an actual concert!!! Holy moly. I was on an eliptical machine for a whoppin' 20 minutes, and when I got off I could barely walk. It felt like my hips didn't have bones in them anymore, and now this evening I am so sore I can't believe it! I guess that means I need to go everyday for a little while just so that I can get used to this. My body is rediculously weak, I should have been able to do that no problem, but I'm up to the challenge. I have lots of ibuprofen!!! I went for my first session with the trainer, and we spent a good part of the hour just preparing for what's coming up. He took body fat percentage, and checked my balance and my posture, went through a meal plan, then threw me up on that eliptical. He wanted me to stay on for 30 minutes, and I just couldn't do it, but everyday can be a milestone I suppose, now I just have to figure out how to tell him that I couldn't do it! (We spent a lot of time on the other stuff, so he didn't have time to work with me because he had another appointment!) So here are the details, I weighed in at 216 lbs(totally over indulged yesterday, don't judge me!! ha ha!!!) My body fat is at about 34%, which is basically what I expected, but I have to be honest, hearing it come out of someone else's mouth is kind of a shock! The diet plan is eating 5-6 times daily, and really it's not a whole lot different than what I have been doing, so at least I know that I was doing one thing right! When I was finished and cooled down a bit, I went with my graceful jelly legs walk to pick Logan up from the daycare, and when I walked in he was just sobbing, and had been for a while! Seriously! He has been in a daycare for about 2 hours all together so far and he was falling apart. I felt terrible, I felt bad that I left him, I felt bad that I hadn't been there to make him feel better, and I felt bad for the girl working, she doesn't need that! Just one more hurdle, I need to seperate myself from him a little, he can't be a momma's boy, there is no woman out there crazy enough to love a momma's boy that came from this crazy mama, and I really don't want any kids living at home in their 30's, so he's gonna need someone else to take care of him! I am, of course, smiling as I write that, but I have to convince myself to cut the cord sometime!
After the gym we went to home depot to buy a wash machine, just kind of a cheaper model, but I don't care, as long as I can get some of this great, awesome, super terrific laundry done. While we were shopping, Logan didn't calm down much, he was ok in the store, but he didn't really perk up like normal, then he started to get warm. Craaaaaaaap, this can't be happening, I want to get to the gym tomorrow. Sure enough, he's been kind of draggy all day, and in the middle of the afternoon, John took a nap, that was 7 hours ago, and the poor guy is still sleeping! He never does that! He feels like garbage, Ebin also feels like garbage, and that means that the next couple days are pretty wrapped up, so if I really want to get myself to the gym I need to do it while everyone is asleep. It doesn't matter if I get sick, usually that means that I just feel shitty while I take care of everyone else. (It's in the mom contract, look it up...) Now with all of that in mind I'm going to crash early and try to get my achy muscles some rest and prepare for what could be a long weekend with the kids!

Day 28: New beginning...

John came home lastnight! Hooray for meeeee! It never gets old, seeing his face for the first time after weeks away. I learned a few things at the Billings airport about holidays. #1) It doesn't matter if the holiday is only Presidents Day, someone will make an excuse to go to Disneyland and hop the home flight that lands at midnight. This, of course, leads to very cranky, teenage-angst ridden, no doubt vampire loving (they are just so deep, you know) little girls who whine about having to go to school in the morning then call their parents names... AFTER A VACATION TO DISNEYLAND. Are you serious? That little girl needs to get a little wake up call... Just sayin'... #2) When you stand next to someone who is also waiting, and they find someone to talk very loudly to, (so you can't help but eavesdrop) it is very easy to become a little confused when she is talking about picking up her brother, and when he comes down the stairs they chest bump, then promptly put their hands inside the other's back pocket. I can honestly say I don't remember that part of sibling-hood. #3) It doesn't matter who you are, belching as loud as you can while walking past a woman who is standing alone, is funny shit. Odds are the first thing she will think of is the males in her life and how that is the base form of all entertainment in her life at home, and chuckle. I guess that's kind of a gross generalization, but for as much as I want to hate the rude stuff, I don't, I think it's funny, burps, farts, public puking while driving (seen it twice!) all that crap that you are taught your whole life to be polite about. I can't help it, if I didn't think it was funny I probably would have killed someone by now, I mean Logan's only 18 mos old and already thinks it's funny! Oh, yeah, back to the airport. So all of these fun things happened right in front of me, and the icing on the cake was the announcement that one flight had some of it's luggage misplaced, and it arrived earlier in the evening, but they weren't really sure where, I'm assuming this isn't really something that one wants to hear at midnight after being on a plane. I watched all of this stuff go on around me, and began to get a little nervous that it was a sign that John would be delayed, and he was, but only for a few minutes. He arrived safe and sound and ready for the next 2 weeks, after some much needed sleep of course.
You might ask what we have planned for the next couple of weeks, well I have one definate answer, because we got up this morning and after I took the kids to school, we went and joined a gym. I know I've been feeling down, and sort of unmotivated, but this really perked me up. They have a daycare, you know what that means? I can exercise alone!!! Also we bought some sessions with a trainer, which I am super excited about. All along the one thing that I've really been missing is someone to help me figure out what's going to work best, and I'm really excited, I think it will help a ton. Just talking with them today I felt really motivated again, and having John around makes it easier to make myself do it! I'm looking at tomorrow, not as the beginning to a long road of hard work, but as a new start to a new healthy life. My kids are way too young to have a mom with arthritis, or other health problems that run in my family! I'm excited to find out what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong, and how I can meet in the middle. I want to be productive, I want to be happy and I really think this is the next step! I also realized, through our little talk with the trainer today, that my hubby has very different ideas about diet and exercise. He has his mind set on what he wants to do physically, and what he wants to eat, and even though it goes against everything I have done so far, it's working for him! He is facing such different obsticals than I am. They have their food provided, and they cater more to the meat and potato types, not a whole lot of healthy options, and they have a gym, but again it's pretty limited, so I will be interested to see how this works out for us. In the infamous words of my little buddy Spongebob, "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready!"

Day 26 & 27: My motivator returns...

Ok, ok, so I know I missed yesterday, I decided to take the day off. I really truly just had nothing to report, well except that I spent a lot of the weekend playing guitar hero... which we already knew! I made dinner for a friend, and just hung out with the kids! Boring boring boring, but I'm finding out more and more that I don't mind bored, bored means things are going okay, and although I may think I don't have anything to do, there is always playing with the kids. I'm stuck at an impasse losing weight, and yesterday I ate a ton of crap that I shouldn't have.... Ok, alright fine, maybe I didn't write because I felt guilty, and when I woke up at 3 A.M. with terrible heartburn I knew why. Fried food is no longer my friend... not even a little bit! I should have just gone with my first instinct and baked some fish! Oh well, you live, you learn. (That's right Alanis, not everyone has forgotten about you... ha ha!)
So tonight John will be home! I'm so happy that I haven't been able to sit still all day. Of course that means that it was time for the motor to burn out on my wash machine. I know what you're thinking, How in the world could this girl possibly know what's wrong with her wash machine? Ok, I don't, you are right, but let me tell you why I have this theory. I could smell burning and all the wash machine was doing was clicking and humming, so that's what I guessed. The damn thing is probably somewhere near 1000 years old, and I'm honestly not sure how it has managed to stick it out this long! So that means that one of the fun activities that we get to plan is buying and installing a washer. Great, exciting, fun, whoooooo! We also get to sign up for the gym tomorrow. I've let myself get into a mini rut, and having John here is just what I need to be motivated, he's been working out almost everyday, and I can't have him beat me at reaching goals... I'm kidding, I'm really proud of the work he's done, and I really want to be able to keep up. The only way I can do that is to workout with him and really get myself into the routine. I also made kind of a wager with my buddy Tiffany for the month of March to see who can burn the most calories and bank hours working out. I'm excited, I really need the motivation, and I think I can do it, but we decided to because we both need kind of a kick in the pants. It's so cool to realize that you can find motivation almost anywhere. My kids, my husband, good friends, it's all really great, and I can't imagine not having them around. So many people have encouraged me, and offered a shoulder, and I am forever greatful. So here's a thought, if you would like, get in on the bet, March isn't that far off, and spring is coming, let's all get moving together. If you decide you want to join in, cool. Allow me to explain the challenge: Start with changing how you eat. You know what is healthy for you, try adding in veggies and fruit to each meal, whole grains, and eat your veggies first. Then get moving. I'm going to keep track of hours and calories, because that's what Tiffany and I had decided. You should let me know if you are interested, we have some fun ideas, and I think that joining in would make it even more fun! Now I need to get up and get moving!

Day 25: Enchilada night!

When the kids came home this morning, they busted me playing my first song of the day on guitar hero. Wyatt actually asked me if I stayed up all night to play it! (as if I have that sort of resolve anymore!) I had to laugh, as of Christmas time, when Wyatt got the X-box 360, I am officially a guitar hero addict. I haven't played in about a month, but I decided today was my day to get back into it, and I got busted! So periodically throughout the day I have stopped everything to play. Oh, did I mention that I'm terrible at video games, and I am the jerk wad that plays guitar hero on beginner. You know, the one where you don't use the neck buttons, you just click the thingy (technical term). This works out fine for me because I have pretty good rhythm, but zero coordination, so trying to use both hands for anything other than getting dressed is sort of a joke! I rock at beginner. I have only played 2 songs in my career that were below 90% and most songs are between 97% and 99%, so I justify my not trying anything harder by saying I can't until I get a 100%! I'm a nerd, I know, but it's fun, and I really enjoy the mindlessness that comes along with it. Well at least until I have to cook dinner, then all bets are off.
One of my very favorite things in the world to eat are enchiladas, but they aren't exactly healthy, so I sat and thought about it for a long time, how I was going to enjoy my enchilada flavors, while not shoving my face full of fat. I thought, and thought and... duh! Cut out the majority of the cheese, and the tortillas, add some beans and rice to the mix, something good has to happen, right? Holy crap, I had no idea! I was actually more impressed with these enchiladas than I have been with anything I have cooked so far on the diet, and honestly I think I liked them better. Ok, so they are kind of a mexican stuffed pepper, but it worked, so, for your enjoyment, and by request I might add, here is the recipe:
1 lb ground turkey (97/3)
1 sm can diced green chiles
1 sm onion, diced
1 clove garlic, diced
1 can beans (I like navy, but whatever works for you!)
2 tsp. Chipotle chile powder
1 pkg enchilada seasoning
1 sm can tomato paste
1 1/4 c. hot water
1 c. cooked rice
4 pablano chiles, top cut off and cleaned out, but not split
1 c. lowfat shredded cheese
4 med tortillas
Mix enchilada pkg, water and tomato paste, let sit.
Brown turkey w/ salt and pepper, onions, garlic and chipotle, (I used a really good nonstick pan, and no oil) when browned add can of chiles, beans, rice and 1/4 of enchilada sauce. Let simmer on med low about 10 min, stirring occasionally. Pour just a couple of tbs. enchilada sauce on the bottom of a 9x13 pan, just to coat. Fill each pablano with turkey mixture. With left over mix, fill tortillas and roll, place them in the pan, cover with remaining enchilada sauce and cheese. Cook,covered at 375 for 45 min. Top with diced avacado!
I filled the chiles for myself in attempt to cut back on the carbs, but even the kids liked them!
Yes, I know that I used packaged enchilada seasoning, but I'm not mexican, and I sort of believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Also if you can't find chipotle seasoning, use chile powder, and just a touch of cumin, that will give you the smokey flavor that really kind of made the whole dish!
So now I must go on with the rest of my night, I have some bike to ride, and kids to wrangle! Enjoy your evening!