Today marked the second session with my trainer. I learned two very important things today. 1) There are muscles in places that you wouldn't believer, and 2) I am a ginormous pussy. I can pretty much guarantee that my trainer thinks I am the biggest weinie to ever step foot in that gym, I was winded by about the 3rd second of strength training. To my credit, I did complete everything that I was supposed to, but just getting into plank formation was a joke. (that's like a push up, but not actually lifting yourself, just sort of hovering with your arms bent. yeah, it's awesome...) I plan to leave as soon as the kids are in bed and go back to the gym and do my 20 minutes of cardio that I didn't complete on that god damned eliptical. I admit, the only real reason that I even want to is because I have another session on Wednesday, and I don't want to look like such a turd, and the only way that's going to happen is if I actually put in the work. Why did I not just do it earlier, you might ask? Well we were invited to a birthday party in Absorkee, and I wanted to get cleaned up before we went. Yes I am one of those girls that needs to wear make-up before I leave the house, I don't know what my hang up is, I am even guilty of wearing make-up to the gym the first day. I did get over that, what a hot mess I was... My hope here, is that when I lose a signifigant amount of weight I won't feel so self consious about how I look. It's not like it's a new thing for me either, I've always been insecure about how I look. John has got to be the most amazing person ever, he tells me all the time that I'm beautiful, that certainly helps, and if I lose the weight, then I can start to believe it! I'm getting there, slowly but surely, and that whole make-up to the gym thing, well let's just say that lesson has been learned!
Today's birthday party was for John's brother in law, who has got to be one of the nicest people in the history of the universe. I always enjoy being there, and seeing the family. The kids get along great, everyone really enjoys each other's company, it's really nice. Today was a little harder for me, I wanted to drink with everyone so bad, I wanted a cigarette soooo bad, I just wanted to call it all off and just get wasted. (not that anyone was really getting wasted, but that's what I wanted!) John, being my knight in shining armour, didn't drink at all, I think he must have noticed that I was uncomfortable. I seriously had to FIGHT having an anxiety attack over it. Who the hell gets so worked up over a beer??? It's so friggin' stupid, I can't justify it at all, except to say that parties and drinking go hand in hand for me, and I do miss it, and I do plan on doing it again, but if I start this soon, what's the point of even trying??? I made it through, no drinks, and I think I may have also made kind of a rude mistake. They made big pots of Chicken and Noodles, which I Loooooove, and I didn't eat. I think it was kind of inconsiderate of me, but I wasn't trying to be rude. I want to take the diet seriously, and I'm afraid that if I started to eat that lovely looking soup, I wouldn't have stopped, and that would have shot all of that hard work this morning, right in the foot. I think in the long run that would hurt a whole lot more than my sad, sore muscles do right now! I just hope that I didn't look like a snot, that wasn't my intention at all, I was perfectly happy with the company! Now I'm going to go try to get these kids to bed... holy cow, they're like little crazy people today, please wish me luck!
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