Before I even begin to talk about today I want you to understand how proud I am of myself. Lastnight I went to bed at about 9, like every night, so that I could lay there and hope to fall asleep. This is always my worst food time, I am tired and hungry and lazy... I did something I can honestly say I have never done before. I did get a snack, I ate a Honey Crisp apple, and much to my surprise, it was delicious, and very satisfying. I know that eating after 7 pm is kind of a no no, but I have to ease my into this. I am a snacky person, and if eating an apple after 7 is my biggest fault, then I think I'm doing ok. (Believe me I have NO delusions that eating an apple will be my only slip up, I am, after all, only beginning!)
I realized today that one of the things I have not mentioned so far is how fat I really am. I'm 5'10" tall and yesterday when I went to the neurologist, I weighed 225.9 lbs. This is absolutely embarrassing, but the only way this will ever work is if I am completely honest. Now today I went to get established with a new family doc, and of course the dreaded weigh in very first thing. I had eaten breakfast and hadn't exercised yet, and I weighed 223.2 lbs!!! I do understand it could be because it's a different scale, or water weight or whatever, but it really felt good to think that maybe, just maybe I was on the right track. That was the best feeling, even if it is only a small success!
Now on to this wonderful doctor. I always joke about being old, I mean, I'm not 19 anymore... ha ha, but when a doctor walks into the exam room and she is easily 5 years younger than you, and knowing how long a person has to go to school to be a doc.... Whoa, kind of a shock to the system! I have to tell you I kind of had to take a second look to make sure this was right!!! She walked in and asked how I was, and mentioned that I had listed depression as a possible issue, and I nearly broke down. Just having someone outside of my little tiny circle, face to face, say those words to me, it was mortifying. But then we started talking, and I explained everything to her, not sleeping, how I feel, how long it has been going down hill, and how I really would like to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't look at her, I was so terrified that she would think I was nuts, maybe think that I was making a big deal out of nothing. When I finally looked at her I saw understanding, something I really did not expect. This person, whom I had never met in my life, doesn't feel pity, or resentment, she wanted to help... Of course she does, that's her chosen profession, her path in life, but I guess I've never looked at it that way. She told me this isn't so strange, and she's helping me get on the path to a happier exhistence! Hooray!
Then we had the weight conversation, I told her I am so well aware of how overweight I am, and I also explained this. The diet, the exercise and the blog. She was so pleased with the idea, and told me it's not too often that someone honestly makes an effort like this. She gave me some great suggestions, one of which I think I will begin tomorrow, and it's so simple. Get a pedometer. She explained that the success rate of diets with something so simple is doubled. She told me that statistically, in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, a person should walk about 10,000 steps. (I'm lucky if I get a couple hundred... and thats days that I pee alot... I don't have a ride to the bathroom...) She explained that starting with a goal of, say, 2000 steps a day for a week is great, and maybe add 500 a week, just to let my body adjust to the extra movement, keeping in mind that yoga won't count as steps and the exercise bike won't count, but to continue with that activity. So I think, starting tomorrow I will post how many steps, along with all the other garbage I'm throwing out there! I see her again in 30 days, to check out my progress with the meds and my weight. She really made me feel like turning this corner is going to work, and I'm going to be successful!
The one thing that I promised yesterday is to perhaps post a recipe for the lovely dinner I made myself. Pictures were a no go, because it didn't plate as nicely as I would have liked. I will tell you what it was. I am a super lover of lasagna, and I have 3 lasagna recipes that are really amazing, and amazingly fattening!!! Hooray for Italian food, huh? What I did was really tasty, and different.
Low fat Polenta Lasagna:
1 c. coarse ground corn meal
3 c. water
2 cloves minced garlic (I super love garlic!)
salt and pepper (just a couple dashes, let's be honest, no one ever measures it anyway)
Boil your water with the s&p and garlic, slooooowly add the corn meal and stir in well. Turn down to low and simmer about 20 min. You really want to stir pretty constantly for this time, otherwise you can have a huge mess!
In a bowl mix 1- 16 oz container of strained fat free cottage cheese with s&p and about a tbsp of Italian seasoning. Set aside.
Get out your frying pan little buddy cuz now you are going to need it for the sauce!
1/4 lb super duper extra lean burger (you can also use ground turkey or chicken, I just didn't have any)
1/2 diced med onion
2 cloves minced garlic (told you so)
1 whole zuccini, washed and diced
2-3 cups baby spinach, chopped if you like, I didn't.... lazy....
1 can of crushed tomatoes
1 tbsp italian seasoning
S&P
In a HOT pan, brown your burger with the onion and garlic, if there is any fat, drain it off. Then add in the rest of the veggies, s&p, and sautee on med until the spinach is wilted. Add the tomatoes and seasoning, and let it cook for about 15 min.
Okay, now the fun part. Spray an 8x10 baking dish with whatever nonstick spray you use, then spread 1/3 of the sauce across the bottom of the pan, top that with 1/2 the polenta and 1/2 the cheese, repeat, and use the last 1/3 of the sauce for the top. I topped it off with about 1/4 cup of low fat Mozzerella, and bake it in a preheated oven (375) for about 30 min, or until the cheese is brown. After you take it out I really recommend letting it sit to cool for 15 min, so it can set up a little. I didn't do that, hence the mountain of mixed up stuff on my plate that did not look good enough to photograph!!! Honestly I think that if you did this all the day before you served it, then bake it the day of, it would come out much prettier! The leftovers for lunch were really good, and I ate it cold (okay bacteria scaredy cats, I know I know!!!)
For dinner I'm baking some blue hake with lemon pepper and asparagus, sounds pretty good! (Blue hake is a white fish) and a nice salad!
All in all I would say today has been a pretty good one, and I feel like I've really started down a good path! Who knows what the weekend will bring, or how hard my kids are going to laugh at me when they watch me do yoga, and try to dance... who knows I may be the next youtube sensation! Oh boy! Here we go!!!!
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