As the daylight died on a summertime suicide....

Ok, calm down it's a lyric from a song, that happens to be stuck in my head. Although I'm not going to lie, I don't feel fantastic. It doesn't help that my sister is like locked in her cage of wishing for non-exhistence. She's been my rock for a while now, and I have recently... in the last couple day's realized that you can't expect someone who is mentally ill help you with your mental illness. It hurts and it's scary, because lately she has been the only on who understands me and all the stupid shit I'm going through. For some reason my downfall has inadvertantly led to hers. This is a girl who only a year ago I would have said I would never talk to. She has become the person that I could not be more thankful for. We do, however, have days like these last 2 that make me feel like I'm taking advantage, and that I am putting my needs first. You couldn't have paid me to say that I would ever be close to my sister, I would have been possibly close to my brother, but that didn't work out either. It makes me sad and honestly hurt that I can't have a conversation with my brother. Having my sister back is like a gift. We are from a Huge family that seems to just click. However myself and my siblings can't find a middle ground. Whenever 2 of us get along the other one is completely shunned. I have to admit, my brother did reach out and try to make contact with me, but because I pissed his wife off so bad, I chose not to call.
I want the world to know that I'm trying with every fiber of my being to make this life better for my family, and the reason that my brother's wife hates me is perfectly acceptable, and I deserve it, but it's been a year and I have made so many changes. I would love to be able to joke and goof off with him, but I can't. As of now I have Cyndi here, who I could easily put in the same "screw my family" boat, but she has been the best thing I coud ask for in a long long time.
I went to the hospital, I was finally diagnosed as being human, and I have one blood relative that know's it. I'm so sorry Paul wasn't here, he's my humor outlet, but having Cyndi here really has helped save my sanity and my family. My kids adore her, Logan is excelling like I couldn't have ever imagined. Now it's time for me to step in and play the part.... whew...